August 20, 2017

Is It I?

For the past week or so I have been struggling emotionally. I have felt incredibly lonely which in turn has caused me to feel depressed. I started reflecting on my life and I realized that all of my really good friends live out-of-state. Those people who live close to me that I thought were friends have really let me down.

Have you ever made plans with someone and then when it comes time to execute said plans they won't answer the phone or show up? Have you ever text or called someone and they never got back to you? This has happened to me more times recently than I would like to count.

While at the library this week for story time, I tried chatting it up with two other moms but the one made it very obvious that she didn't want to talk to me. I got in my car and was on the verge of tears, when I realized that Heavenly Father blessed me with a beautiful little boy who is always by my side.

Some days though I wish my sidekick could talk with me and say more than "Dada." Some days I wish I had a friend to hike with, laugh with and occasionally cry with. 

I started questioning myself- Is there something wrong with me that people don't want to be my friend? Do I smell bad? Do I have food in my teeth? Am I weird? I've been assured by those closest to me that there is nothing wrong with me that people are just flaky.

Needless to say, I am in need of some new friends. Hopefully I will cross paths with someone soon.

August 7, 2017

Sweet Creek Falls

It was a busy week for us, Bubba. Sleeping in your own room has been hit and miss, but overall I think it has been a positive thing. You seem to sleep for longer durations of time in your own room and that is a plus for all of us.

The H.O.A. election took place on Wednesday evening (it was 107 degrees that day). All of my door knocking paid off, I won a spot on the Board of Directors and will now be serving as the Secretary. What made the election even better was the other people that I was hoping would make it onto the board did. Here's hoping we can make some great things take place!

Life has been so busy lately that we haven't been able to get out and hike as much as we would like to. This Saturday we decided that we could all use some time outdoors. It has been really smokey here in the valley so we decided to head out towards the coast. We hiked Sweet Creek Falls, this trail is a hidden gem.

The hike is approximately a mile and a half long and a gradual climb. The entire trail is in the woods and runs along the "creek" which is more like a river. There are pools of water the are scattered throughout the creek that you can swim in. The scenery is just breathtaking. This is probably the prettiest hike we have ever done!

As we were hiking along, Andy pointed out a bird's nest with baby birds in it. I had never seen a nest with little birds in it before, the whole scene was beautiful!

Bubba's first time waving and somehow we happened to catch it on camera.

We hope to go back and do this hike again. Next time we will be sure to bring out swimming suits and crawdad traps (we saw quite of few of them, they were orange in color).

As for you Bubba, you have really taken to this rolling thing. You have been rolling all over the place! I would not be surprised if you start crawling soon. You have also gotten a lot better at sitting up on your own. I am still afraid though that you will throw yourself backwards and hit your head on the ground-- I guess that's how you learn though. As much as I want to protect you from everything, I know I can't.

August 4, 2017

What Matters Most Is How You See Yourself

I have stolen two things in my life. The first was a piece of candy as a small child. The second was a picture our leaders hung in the bathroom at girls camp. When I first saw this picture at camp, it resonated with me. I looked at this picture every time I went into that bathroom that week. At the end of the week when we were cleaning up, I went into the bathroom and I swiped it. Its new home became my bedroom mirror, where I looked at that picture every day for years. This picture became my mantra and I lived by it.

You might be wondering what was so special about this picture that I stole. It was a picture of a chick looking into a mirror and seeing itself as a beautiful peacock. The phrase written beneath the image said, "What matters most is how you see yourself."

As a teenager, I was pretty carefree. I didn't care what anyone else thought of me. I was happy with who I was. I tried to be kind to everyone I came in contact with. Life was pretty good aside from the hardships and trials that are naturally a part of this earthly journey.

Somewhere in young adulthood I forgot about that picture that once hung on my mirror and I began to listen to the voices that echoed around me that I wasn't good enough, that I would never be good enough unless I conformed to some else's idea or standard of what "good enough" was. I was bullied and belittled to the point that I had to say, "Enough is enough. I'm done with this." I had to walk away from the bullies in my life. I closed that door and chapter in my life.

Rediscovering myself has been nothing short of a grand adventure! I have seen, done, tried and experienced so many wonderful things! I have grown as a person. I've become a better person. And I think I can safely say, I am genuinely happy. I am happy with myself and where I am in life.

This past week I have been thinking a lot about the phrase "What matters most is how you see yourself." Those words are so true! It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks of you! The only thing that matters is how you see yourself and how God sees you.

I think it is safe to say that at some point in their lives most people will experience what it is like to be bullied. Bullies seem to be lurking everywhere. Bullies can be friends, family, neighbors or strangers. It doesn't matter who someone is, bullying is never okay and you don't need to put up with it or tolerate it. The mean things people say are a reflection of how they ultimately feel about themselves.

Remember, God loves you! He is cheering you on! Don't be so hard on yourself. What other people think of you doesn't matter.  "What matters most is how you see yourself." And when you love yourself, life is so much more enjoyable!