Update On Bear

About four weeks ago Bear started walking, by walking, I mean walking. He had taken a few steps here and there. But one day, he up and just walked across the room and he hasn't slowed down since. The last few days, he has been trying to run.

Our entire family has been home sick the last several days, so Andy has had a chance to really see the two boys interact. Yesterday, they started playing what looked like tag. Later in the day, Bear grabbed onto the back of Bubba and they walked around the house like a train engine pulling a car-- it was super cute!

Bear has added a few new words/phrases to his vocabulary list this week as well. We've heard him say, "Wow" and "Bye bye."

This little boy has a love for music and likes to bop along to the beat. He currently likes the Piano Guys. He also, really likes animals.

Bear has a love for remotes, mouses, keyboards and cell phones. He likes to take the batteries out of them (yes, he knows how to get them out) and he carries them around like they are prized possessions. We have to keep a super close on him when he does this because he likes to try and put the batteries in his mouth. With his love of electronics, I can't help but wonder if we have a baby nerd in the making.

Perils Of Potty Training

Oh the stories I could tell you about poop and pee. Potty training has been kicking my butt or should I say my house and my patience.

Most of Bubba's friends are potty trained. My mommy friends shared with me a guide to potty train your kids in 3 days. They warned me that it took more like 2 weeks for them and after 2 weeks their kids regressed and they had to push through that.

I read about 20% of the 50 page guide and thought, this seems straight forward lets go for it. Up to this point Bubba was still wearing a diaper but he was keeping it dry the entire day. So we made the switch to underwear-- I made sure they were underwear he liked, Thomas The Train.

The first two weeks he did great! We didn't have any accidents going potty (aka pee) in the toilet. Except for the time we were using a public bathroom/changing room for swim lessons and I didn't hold his penis down and pee shot over the toilet and onto the floor, I got peed on and Bear was making a beeline for the pile of urine on the floor.

Or the time we went to story time and we went to use the bathroom before we headed home. I held his penis down and pee shot through the gap between the top of the toilet and toilet seat soaking Bubba's leg and leaving a pile of pee on the ground and pee on my boots.

Or how about the time he decided he wasn't going to pee in the toilet that day. Instead he peed all over my new living room rug not once, but twice. He peed all over my kitchen chair and pee ran  down the chair like a waterfall collecting in a pile of the floor. And he pooped in my closet-- we are still working on pooping in the toilet. He has only pooped in the toilet once so far. I've got a lot of poop stories but we will save those for another day.

This last day was probably the hardest of them all. I'd ask him to come use the bathroom and he would just pee instantly where he was. I can't tell you how many pairs of underwear we went through. I washed socks, shirts and pants. In addition to scrubbing my floors, chair, rug, etc. All I did was clean up pee the entire day.

I finally told Bubba that if he couldn't stop peeing his clothes that he couldn't wear any clothes. I took all of his clothes away except for his underwear and told him he had to earn them back by going pee in the toilet. When he peed on my kitchen chair, I told him he could sit on the floor to eat. Chairs were a privileged and if he was going to pee on them, he couldn't sit in them. He lost his coveted blanket. Next on the chopping block were his toys.

Bubba spent most of the day in his underwear. Just before nap time he peed in the toilet-- miracle!!! I told him he could have one thing back and I let him pick. He picked his socks. This boy insists on wearing socks all the time. When I went to tuck him in he asked for his blanket. I was firm and I told him he had only earned one thing back and he chose his socks. He started to whine and I offered to trade him. He took his socks off and I gave him his blanket. He napped in underwear and a blanket. Just as bed time approached he earned his last piece of clothing back. He hasn't had an accident since. Knock on wood.

Here's hoping pooping in the toilet gets better.

He does great staying dry and night. And he does get potty treats.

Out Of The Mouth Of Babes

I wanted to share a few of the things that the boys have been saying this past week. I can't tell you how much these little phrases have made me laugh and smile. I feel blessed to have these two littles in my life.

Bubba:

Bubba got some new footie pajamas for Christmas. As soon as we put them on him he started say, "I so cute!" He'd run to the bathroom and look at himself in the mirror and say, "I so cute!" The next morning after I had gotten him dressed he said, "I not cute." I asked him why he wasn't cute and he said, "I not wear pajamas." Apparently, new footie pajamas are what make him cute. For the record-- he's never said anything about being cute before this incident.

The past few days he's been saying to me, "Mama, I love you so berry much." This one just melts my heart.

Andy asked Bubba to hold his hand and he said, "I hold Mommy's hand." Apparently I'm his favorite teehee.

Bear:

Bear started talking at 11 months old. When I say talking, I'm talking about two word phrases. The doctor couldn't believe it when I took him in for his checkup. I guess at this age most kids just babble, he does plenty of that too though.

"All done." He says this when he is done eating, often he signs it in ASL.
"Uh oh." He usually says this when he drops something.
"Thank you." He says this when you give him something.
"Hi Mom."
"Hi Dad."
"Up, down." He says this when he goes from standing to sitting and vice versa-- he knows what each is.

A Daydream

I don't dream very often. When I do have dreams they are often nightmares. I can count on one hand the number of times I have received a dream from God. This dream I am about to share, is one of those. I have debated for sometime as to whether or not I should share it and right now I feel that I should.

Saturday August 24th, we got up really early to take the boys to see a hot air balloon festival. We had a really good time! When we got home we were exhausted. We put Bubba down in his bed and Bear laid down with me and that is when this dream happened-- in the middle of the day. This dream was so vivid, it is ingrained in my mind as though it happened yesterday.

I found myself in a hospital room. The room number was 102 or 105 (I don't know for certain, a 2 is an inverted 5). The room had a pale blue curtain with polka dots on it hanging down from the ceiling for privacy. I went into the bathroom of this particular room to relieve myself, but was unable to get the door to shut, this was frustrating for me and I decided to give up on using the bathroom.

A moment later a fuss was made over the loud speaker. Lights were flashing and things were in great commotion. I watched a woman with dark hair amble down the hallway.

Next thing  I knew I was sitting on a hospital bed watching the following events unfold in front of my eyes.

I saw this same dark haired woman from before sitting on a hospital bed. Her hair was big like Moana. I couldn't make out her face. Standing on her right side was a man with dark hair, he looked islander to me. I could sense that they were around 24 years old and college athletes.

On her left hand side were two nurses. One of the nurses was holding a dark haired baby. This nurse said, "I'm going to give this baby the best chance it's got." The other nurse replied, "You're nicer than most."

This young couple had not intended on getting pregnant and did not want this child. I felt such deep unconditional love for this child. I knew that this child was meant to come to our family.

I sat bolt upright in bed, drenched in sweat. At about that exact moment Andy walked into the room, he looked at me and asked if everything was okay. I told him we are supposed to adopt a baby and he said, "Okay."

Adoption is something we had been talking about, but we hadn't decided whether or not we would pursue it. I think God allowed me to see this dream because he knew I needed it. We aren't sure where this young mom is and we don't know how this baby will end up coming into our lives, but we pray for them both. We hope that this little one will join us sooner rather than later.

Bubba's First Time To The Dentist

I took Bubba to the dentist for the first time today. When we walked in the door I said to Andy "He has three cavities." Andy replied, "He has three cavities?!" I laughed and said, "Nope. He is cavity free."

Bubba did so good at the dentist! Several days before going to the dentist I told Bubba that we were going to go to the dentist in a few days. I told him that the dentist was going to clean his teeth with a toothbrush that made a "zzeeezzz" noise.

When we got to the dentist he was so excited because they had fun toys to play with in the front room. He treated me to a poopy diaper and then the hygienist took us back. He sat on the table and she let him pick out a toothbrush and she let him pick out a toothpaste and she started brushing his teeth by hand. He saw her special toothbrush and pointed to it. She showed him all of her special tools. Next thing I knew he was laying down with sunglasses on and she was cleaning his teeth. She flossed his teeth and gave him fluoride. Then the dentist came and looked at his teeth.

I was so happy to learn that he was cavity free. He did so good, he made me so proud! The hygienist was very impressed too. She told me most children don't get their teeth cleaned the first time to the dentist because they are too scared and they cry, etc.

I think it helped that we started brushing his gums with a rubber toothbrush before he ever had teeth. The switch to a toothbrush wasn't too bad. Bubba loves to brush his teeth. Some days he will spend thirty minutes in the bathroom brushing his teeth. Now to get him flossing on a regular basis.

To celebrate being cavity free and doing such a good job at the dentist I took Bubba to the store and he picked out a new toy. If you know Bubba you know that he loves Disney's Cars-- he picked out a blue tow truck and immediately started calling it Mater. 

Fun side note-- before we moved to Oregon I applied to dental hygiene school and was accepted. I felt strongly that I was not supposed to accept my invitation to this particular school. A few months later, work reassigned Andy to Oregon and then we started our family. Even though I didn't end up going to hygiene school, I get to play dental hygienist with both Bubba and Bear everyday. We brush and floss and fluoride.

The Rest Of Our Trip

After the funeral we spent a few days at Andy's parents house. It was nice for the boys to be able to spend some time with their grandparents. I know Andy really enjoyed being back on the farm.

Bubba.

Bear in his element with Grandpa.

Hanging out in Uncle Shaun's tree house.

Bear.

We took both of the boys out for a 4-wheeler ride. I think this was the first time for both of them. Bubba loved it and Bear hated it.

Bubba playing with cousins.

Exploring.

Sprinklers.

Sod field with a rainbow.

Wheel line.

Bubba wanted to ride anything and everything including the boom truck, forklift and any tractor he could get someone to take him on.

Bubba & Andy on the boom truck.

We headed back out to the Wasatch front on Wednesday afternoon and few home Thursday morning. The entire trip was a whirlwind. I'm glad to be home and in my own bed.

Andy & Shaun.

Andy, Grandpa, Bear & Uncle Shaun.

I love the candidness of this photo of Grandma & I.

Bear, Andy & Grandma.

Bubba did not want his picture taken.

Utah & Grandpa's Funeral

I am not really sure how to start this post. At the moment, I think it is probably best to just pick up where the last post left off.

Thursday

Thursday morning Andy went to work for a few hours. I continued cleaning the house and packing our bags-- having roughly 24 hours to re-book your plane tickets, unpack bags for 4 people, wash all the laundry, repack the bags all while watching two littles was no easy task. A good friend of ours dropped us off at the airport and next thing I knew we were on our way to Utah.

Getting on the airplane was not an easy thing for me. At this point in time, I was not even sure if I was going to go to the funeral. Thoughts of being in the same state as that family member who has been emotionally abusive to me causes me to feel anxiety. The thought of being in the same room as that person, caused those feelings of anxiety to skyrocket.

The boys did great on the flight! This was Bear's first time flying.  I'm grateful we had a direct flight and that it was only 2 hours.

Bubba, Me & Bear.

Andy.

Utah.

After some discussion, Andy and I agreed that we would not be taking the boys to the funeral. Neither of us felt safe being around this emotionally abusive family member, so we were not even going to entertain the thought of having our boys there. It was agreed upon that if we could not find someone who could watch our boys that I would not be attending the funeral. Upon arriving in Utah, we started making some calls to see if we could find someone to watch the boys.

Thursday night I was able to go visit one of my old roommates, Breann. Breann lives 5-10 minutes away from my parents new house. This was the first time I had seen her in years, it was so good to catch up! We stayed up way too late, haha, just like the good old days.

Friday

Bear & Me.

Friday morning Andy and I went and did an Endowment Session at the Bountiful Temple. One of my life goals is to perform an ordinance in every temple, in every state I have ever lived in (Washington, Idaho, Oregon & Utah). This was my first time to the Bountiful Temple, it is the biggest temple I think I have ever been to-- it is massive and very beautiful.


I'm really glad that my family was able to watch our two boys so Andy and I could attend the temple. It was good to have some time alone, just the two of us to talk, think and meditate.

Bear.

Friday afternoon we headed out to the Uintah Basin-- during our drive Andy continued to make some phone calls to see if there was anyone who could watch our boys. I don't know if I would call it luck or not, but we found someone who was able and willing to watch our little boys.

Friday night there was a viewing for Andy's grandpa. Andy really wanted our little boys to see their great grandpa one last time. We knew the boys would not be given that opportunity the next day. When we pulled up to the mortuary, our hearts sank, that emotionally abusive family member's car was in the parking lot. About this same time text messages started coming in from family asking where we were and if we were going to make it. We drove a few blocks away and parked. It was pouring rain and we cried. We knew we couldn't go in there while that emotionally abusive family member was there.

Someone we love and trust came and found us. They had scoped out the room and formulated a plan for how to get us in and out without running into that family member we didn't want to see. God was on our side, just as this plan was being formulated that emotionally abusive family member left-- what a blessing for us.

Lots of tears were shed for the loss of Grandpa. And lots of love was extended to us, by the rest of the family that we hadn't seen in years.

We spent the night at Andy's cousin Blake's house. Blake and Amanda had two rooms for us, which was perfect. Andy's cousin's Ty and Mel and their two boys stayed at the house with us too.

Saturday

Saturday was a hard day. We dropped the boys off with the baby sitter, I hate being away from my boys. We didn't tell anyone who was watching them because we didn't want the emotionally abusive family member to find out where they were. And then we headed to the church. I can't tell you how many prayers I said, a lot.

We walked into the church and I held on tight to Andy's hand. We knew at any moment we could come face to face with the family member we did not want to see. Thankfully we ran into my parents first. Then we went into the Relief Society Room and said our last good byes to Grandpa before they closed the casket. About this time, I spied that emotionally abusive family member out of the corner of my eye. I held on even tighter to Andy.

Before long we proceeded to the chapel and took our seats on the pew. I am not sure why, but the person we did not want to see, chose to sit two people away from us. Maybe it was for appearances sake, to try and act like nothing was wrong; regardless, it annoyed me and made me incredibly uncomfortable.

Andy's dad presided over the funeral service. He said that Grandpa wanted a short funeral with lots of music. Grandpa's funeral had lots of music, but it was not short by any means. Each of his children spoke and shared their favorite stories of Grandpa and life growing up on the farm. It was a wonderful tribute to the life and legacy Grandpa left behind.

That emotionally abusive family member sang during the service. I couldn't bring myself to look at them. Andy looked at them, but they would not look back at him.

After the funeral we headed to the cemetery. Andy was one of the pall bearers. Grandpa's grave was dedicated and we headed back to the church for the luncheon.

It is my personal belief that Grandpa had a feeling he was going to pass. He built his own casket out of elm wood from a tree he cut down in his yard. Just a week or two before he passed he called to say hi. Then he paid the mortuary in advance for his own funeral complete with flowers and he made some changes to his will.

Grandpa cutting his elm tree into planks.

Grandma faithfully by his side.

At the luncheon my guard was up at all time, I tried to know where that emotionally abusive family member was at all times.

After we ate, my stepmom and I walked out to the car to get a few things. When we walked back into the church we were met by my Dad and Andy. My Dad looked at me and with tears in his eyes and in his I mean business tone he said, "We need to talk." I said, "Who's we?" He replied, "All eight of us." I knew instantly who he was talking about: Dad, Julie, me, Andy, the emotionally abusive family member, their spouse and their parents. I'm sure I turned white. Adrenaline instantly started coursing through my body. I said, "They already left." I had seen this individual and their spouse walk out the door. My Dad said, "They're still here." I'm not the swearing type, but I said,"I might swear." Julie said, "That's okay. First we cuss, then we discuss."

A few minutes later I found myself sitting across a small room, face to face with the person who set out to destroy me as an individual and my marriage and I was not at all thrilled to be there.

My Dad started the discussion. It ended with nearly everyone in tears and me being embraced-- this was a first. I'm not sure what will come of this experience. A door has been opened but time will tell. I may share more about this experience after I have had some time to process everything that went on.

Then we grabbed our boys and headed back to Blake's house. I was really glad to be reunited with my boys.

That evening we headed over to Grandma's house so Bubba could go on a tractor ride. While we were in Washington Andy's Dad and I cried together on the phone. I told him how afraid I was to fly to Utah and to attend the funeral with that emotionally abusive family member. I made a deal with him, if I went to the funeral, he had to take his grandson on a tractor ride. I knew this wouldn't be an easy thing for him to do and that he would likely have some PTSD like me because of everything he just went through. He happily took Bubba out to level the sod field, he even let Bubba help him drive. Bubba loved every minute of it!

Bubba & Grandpa.

Can't tell you how many hours I have spent driving that very tractor.

That night Andy stayed up way too late with his cousins childhood best friend-- it was like old times for him.

Sunday

Sunday we slept in. We headed over to Andy's Aunt and Uncle's house with his cousins for lunch. We agreed to let the emotionally abusive family member meet our boys briefly before they headed home-- this made me very uncomfortable. They were on their best behavior and things went okay.